Was crying for the past few days... Cuz I was very "gek xim" by my boyfriend.l He don't seems to care about me etc etc...

But yesterday night he came to my house after he knock off, which is like 12+am ... And i still wasn't home. As I went to meet my BFF Eileen after my class.. And my plan was to not text my bf anymore and not to meet him to let us cool down (Thou to him is we are fine, but to me I very sad.).

But ended up at 11.30pm bf text me:

Boyfriend: " Are you asleep? I want to pass you something."
Me: "Nope, still outside, I met Eileen. But now want to go home le."
Boyfriend: "Orh, then I go your house and pass you."
Me: "Ok. Why not you drive your dad car and go MRT fetch me?"
Boyfriend: "I heading over your house straight."
Me: "Orh. Ok."
Boyfriend: "Baby, I reach your house le."

Ended up, he gave me a stalk of rose with RWS ribbon, a glass bottle to put water and let the rose "grow", and a melted cake which I did not take pic cuz it doesn't look nice bcuz melted quite badly.

When I saw him, he place his right hand behind him. And I more or less knew what he's giving me. And when he gave me the stalk of rose, I was really very delight! =) Thou is he took from RWS (FOC) cake also from kitchen (FOC), glass bottle also (FOC).. But it's the heart that counts. =D

Thou that time had already passed 14th Feb when he passed me the rose and cake, but at least end of the day, my heart is once again warmth like the past! =)) I'm really happy!

Even thou yesterday i sent him a very long email, and I hope he had read it, but I decided not to dwell on it. =)

Want to look forward with him.. For our future...

Boyfriend going to switch his career path to work in pawn shop instead of kitchen. Was recommended by his buddy. Starting 1 year may be tough and hard cuz the pay was like $700 lesser than what he is earning at the moment. While at the same time he was being offered by Fullerton hotel, $1k more than what he is earning now. He gave up the offer, and take up his buddy's offer. But in long term wise, he can earn much more than in kitchen line. Hopefully everything can work out for him. He told me time will be more flexible, so he can have more time so can improve our relationship too. Really hopefully can loh~~

14th March 2012 gonna go for our flat selection, 2 months ago, I had this thought in my mind, do I  want to marry to this man? I hope we can get the flat, at the same time I wish we can't get the flat.  My brother and sister told me, it's because I don't want to marry him that's y I wish not to get the flat.. I felt so dilemma. Don't know what I want.

But now I know le. I love him alot, if not I won't get so upset whenever he make me sad. When just a mere touch like his hand on my arm really make me super happy. (Boyfriend seldom show affection to me, that's the reason we seldom hold hand and after together for 2 years+, I still can't get familiar with his hand!! )



              Rose given by Boyfriend~~

I am seriously no mood these days.. And please and I Pray.. Dont come and pester me, best is dont come and talk to me or whatever.

 I dont feel like talking at all.






I just want to be alone. 

God rejected me from heaven has already made me seriously sad. I just want to be alone. That's it !

I know BF is tired from his reservist. And I know he know I am sad. And yet, nothing from him. No form of consolling,  NOTHING. Fine. And I seriously want to learn not to take him so important in my life. I 'm so gonna make him the last person in my life. I know it will be hard for me. But I have to learn. If not, I'll always be suffering from all the disapointments from bf.

He has never been of any help to me whenver I'm sad, trouble, emo or have problems. Even if he is JUST BESIDE me, he is as good as transparent. I dont feel problem is solve or I dont feel any better. Because he always says, aiyah.. nothing mah, small matter only. just dont care. blah blah blah...

Friends around been always telling me to leave and move on. But I know I cant, even thought I'm always complaining about my bf. Very contradicting isn't it? You seriously love someone so damn fucking deeply, yet you have thoughts of breaking. The reason behind? Cuz Love too deep and getting hurt deeply at the same time.

My friend also told me, my bf have forgotten how to love me. Ya. Indeed. He really seriously forgotten how he used to love me in the past. And what he have promised me in the past. Well, what I can say is, all guys are the same. All BASTARD!

I know my illness seems to be back. But I have to control and not letting it to have chance for relapse

I always try very hard to be his most obident girl, by giving all my supports in whatever he do and not to add on to his burdens. But I failed. Cuz he seriously not doing his part of being a BF by treating his gf well. Y? He can shake leg at home, tell me he is checking his fucking email when I seriously urgently rushing to school. And I find lots of help before coming to him. Cuz I know he will sure disapoint me again. And Ya. He did it again.

Whenever I had problems, I always try to solve myself, or I find many others to solve before coming to him. Cuz I need he will be like others.

And the best is, he only listens to others. Never ever listen to me. (During the time when he woo me, my words were his command loh!)

Guys Guys Guys... They reli can just change after getting the things that they want. While ladies? Always hang up and sell during courtship, and after being together, die in the hands of men.

Y don't ditch him? Because I love him, because he dont throw temper at me. Seriuosly simple reason.

The ONLY resolution I have every year is ,

TO GET RICH!! PAY INCREMENT!!


EARN MORE N MORE!!!


Thankyouverymuch.

Time really Flies!! It's already Year 2012!!

27th December 2011
On this day, really make me so sad n "boil" . I will never forget this date, and I want to remember this date thus I'm writing this in my blog.

It was suppose a joyous day to celebrate cuz it's was bf's mum bday party as well as Post-Xmas party.

At evening time, when bf's auntie and cousins were already at his home. Everyone was helping around trying to get ready all the preparation and so do I ! But I was quite hungry, and so I pick up 1 sushi from the sushi platter bought by dont know who. ( I also cant be bothered who buy de.)

And his (Sibeh kan pua niao chee niao lan da-jie) probe in and said, : " Carine, 不要吃酱多hor! 等一下后面的人不够吃leh!"
And his parrot mum also follow : " han nor, 不要吃酱多hor! 等一下后面的人不够吃leh!"

=.=" FUCK LAH! Fine loh! lim bu si mi lan also dont eat lah! Since you so scare not enough to give others eat. CCB! Den I cannot eat lah? Knn!!

So I locked myself in the room all the way~

All the way~

His auntie ask me to eat, I told her off that I don't want to eat.

Till........

My dear bf came to the room and knock on the door asked me to open the door.

He: " What happen? "
Me: " Nothing."
Him: "Really?"
Me: " Ya."
Him: " Don't bluff loh. Just say what happen lah~"
Me: '' Really nothing."
Him: "Just say lah."
Me: Really nothing what you expect me to say?"
Him: "Ok loh. Is you say nothing de ah? Don't say I never ask."
Me: "Ya."
Him: " Issit bcuz of the Sushi?"
Me: " *Angry!!!* How you know????!!"
Him: " Aiyah, I heard my mum they say loh."
Me: " Yes! SO?"
Him: " What happen? You tell me lah."

So I told the bloody incident  to  my bf.  And he asked me not to bother his mum, just ignored what ever she said. But how can I? 我做不到。

Starting when I was a little girl, I always wanting to die.. So much so that my mum bring me to 看神, and asked me to drink 附水.

And yesterday, I really couldn't take it.

But I survived. Haiz... I'm really so sick and tired of my life.

How I wish a car bang on me.. And let me die.. Even if I never die, I became Zhi Wu Ren, I also gam guan. So that I don't need to think of money issue. I'm really so stressed!!

Who can understand me?? Who can share my burden?? Nobody. Ended up I also need to bear all the burdens on my shoulder myself. That's y I always never depend on anyone. Cuz once you are in trouble, no one will help you. Not even bf.

Been feeling very stress, ever since I failed my Business Law. i'm so afraid I might fail again. Sob Sob!!

Today E-Commerce class cancel, as Lecturer (Bobby Chung) was hospitalized. *Yeah! No class!* ^^V

Really cant stand. bf mother always ask for money. Even ask bf to tell me give her money, as she helped my washed my clothings etc. Really too ridiculous. no one ever heard of gf giving bf's mother money for staying over night. *Angry!*

I am the one without any temper, everytime my reply will be "Ok" or "Anything, I'm Ok"  at home. Thus, my parents never really pay much attention on me. Because I'm the most obedient one. And aunties, uncles and cousins never really pay much attention to me too.

That's the reason why I'm such a attention seeker when I'm in relationship. That make no guys can withstand me. But I really can't change this bad habit.

In the past, I was treated as thou like a maid. Seriously. I'm always left behind, no one cares about what I feel or what I want. All the tough stuffs are for me to do.

That's the reason why I hate it when Bf never pay attention to me. I really hate it big time. Why no one ever cares about me? I treat everyone nicely, but why am I always the forgotten one?

Whenever there's outting with friends and bf, even my bf always forgot about me. They outcast me on every single occasion. When I'm being bullied, my bf never stand up for me. I really had enough. So I don't give a fucking damn now. Whenever I'm not happy infront of them, I show them my sulk face.

I'm really the non important one.

I really hope bf will understand my inner world.  I really hope he can pay more attention to me. I really hope he can be as sweet as he used to be. I hope he can make me feel loved.

On Wednesday had lunch with BF.. *Happy!*

Yesterday my Dearie Jacelyn, push away her dinner just to company me. How sweet my BFF is! =)

On wednesday night, I got pissed by bf.
As he was supposed to fetch me from my school after my school ends.
And lots more which I'm lazy to write n explain anymore. Ok, maybe is I'm too Missy.
It's just some small issues. But I really got so upset about it.
And to add on the emo-ness, I got my Business Law result yesterday.
As expected, I failed. Really got so upset about it.

Luckily I have Jacelyn with me. We had dinner, and I had my Anderson ice Cream. Ice Cream really can make someone feel happier.
And thanks all the people who care and posted their concern on my FB. Thanks all !

I feeling much better today. =))

I wan to say something. I hate YVONNE LAI JIA EN! She's just so bitch!! Argh!! Niao Chee Bye, Pua Chee Bye!